What are you going to do with your life?

Over the past 3 months, I have had the opportunity to sit down across a desk or table with a lot of students to talk about upcoming classes, possible employment and the direction that they see their life taking.  This isn’t unusual, it’s my job.  What has been unusual is the number of students, even incoming freshmen who bemoan the fact that they don’t know what to do “for the rest of their lives”.  For them, this big question mark complicates everything: what classes should I take?  Will they help me get a job? Should I even be at college? 

When I find myself in one of these conversations, I always get a sly smile on my face and gently lean in to let students know I’m getting ready to share some important pearls of wisdom.  I say softly, “I’m 37 years old, and I don’t know what I’m going to do for the rest of my life.”  Most students respond to this statement with a look of concern. “What do you mean you don’t know?”  This conversation gives me the opportunity to share something that I have come to believe deeply during my time at Trevecca:  the time that we spend in college is about more than just getting a job.  It is about more than getting a set of skills that we will use to earn money for the rest of our lives.  This may sound radical, but the truth is that the time that we spend in college should be about learning about the world that we’re a part of, learning who we are, learning about how to ask good questions, learning about how to be a good conversation partner and learning to listen closely for the still small voice of God that will guide us for the rest of our lives.  Yes, we will pick up some skills that will hopefully help us to get a job. Yes, we will learn a lot of knowledge in our major.  But if that is all that we have walked away with from our college education, we have missed out on an incredible opportunity.

One of the exciting things about being a Christian is that we never know where God will call us.  I graduated from my undergraduate program with a degree in Biology planning to attend medical school.  I never imagined that I would be a pastor, a staff member in the Chaplain’s office, or a college professor.  But, as God called and opened doors, I began to follow.  Things that I learned in my college classes, in conversations with my roommates, with ministry that I did in the community all have been a part of shaping me to answer God’s call on my life.  And now, I have the opportunity to challenge my students look at their college education in this way.  We are preparing for a lot of things during our time at Trevecca.  We are preparing to be citizens of our world who know and care about our neighbors near and far.  We are preparing to appreciate good books, beautiful art and masterful music.  We are preparing to faithfully and justly manage our money and take care of our world. We are preparing to listen for the call of God and to answer, wherever that takes us.

So you don’t know what you’re going to do for the rest of your life?  It’s okay, it’s better that way.

Should You Ever Start?

A few years ago, I wrote a post about shopping and why I don't like it. Mostly it's because it causes something in me that I don't like, covetousness. It makes me unhappy with what I have and long for me. I've been thinking about this same idea in several areas of life and it has led me to the question, is it better to never start.

For almost a whole year, I have not slept more than 4-5 hours in a row. Unsurprisingly, this timing goes back to when my darling Alistair entered the world. I've been doing okay, but this week, after 3 very bad night in a row I looked in the mirror and saw that I had a grayish complexion with very, very dark circles under my eyes. I'm not much of a make-up wearer, not being able to wear it until I was 16 probably contributed to this, and usually just use a little eye make-up each day. On that third day, sad about what I saw in the mirror, I pulled out the make-up bag that I use for special occasions with powder, blush and other various items. I put some on in hopes of looking human for the day. It worked, I was pleased with what I saw in the mirror. So the next day, I decided, "Hey, I looked good, let's try it again." And on Friday, I found myself applying a face full of make-up for the third day in a row.

Is there anything wrong with wearing make-up? No. Is there anything wrong with wanting to feel better about yourself? No. But I wonder if there are times when we begin to do things that change the way that we life our lives, the way that we think about them. Simple things really: starting to drink real coffee, so that I have become a coffee snob turning up my nose at coffee that isn't freshly ground and locally roasted. We started eating locally grown fresh food, and I find very few restaurants that satisfy my tastes and aren't overly processed. After 6 years of being a one car family, we bought a 2nd car, and now can't imagine life with just one. These are all fairly small, but slowly, life begins to change. And perhaps looks a way that we never thought it would.

There are changes that are definitely good, but there are also those that complicate life, call for more of my resources, and make me less content with my life as it is. It leads me to the question, should we ever start?

The Goods of Lent

It seems as though every year I give up the same things for Lent. Every Sunday during the season of Lent, I feast on them (gorge might be a better word), not to be deprived of something I love, and every Easter Sunday marks a return to the old, as though Lent didn't just happen.

This year seemed to be no different. I gave up sweets (a regular in the Daugherty household) and buying coffee at coffee shops (this was becoming a habit, and keeping me from some commitments to simple living that our family tries to keep). Simple things, but both something that really seem to have a hold on my life and serve as distractions to living the way that I feel I am called to live. It seemed as though many of the groups that I am a part of were talking about Lent differently this year. In my Sunday School class, we talked about fasting for Lent not just as something that we "sacrificed" to more deeply know the suffering of Christ on the cross, but instead as something that we did to create new paths of deeper discipleship in our lives.

I began to think about Lent this way, but also began to wonder if I would truly be different when the 40 (or 46) days were over. I still found myself most nights in the kitchen after we had put the kids down wondering how I could get something kind of sweet to satisfy my cravings and how long this fast would be over so that I could get back to life as usual. Easter came, and still not much had changed. But, in this week, I am finding that during this season of Lent, new pathways, however simple, were being created. I had a few days were I indulged in sweets, seemingly as though Lent had never happened, but then I realized that I found myself not wanting sweets, not needing or craving them as I had before. I also found that they weren't as satisfying, and after I ate something, I wished that I hadn't. And so, I find myself making some small decisions that shape my relationship with food (which has never been an especially good one). I don't know how long it will last, but for now, I want to make changes and am making steps to make them. Don't worry, I'm not giving them up completely.

Do I think that not eating sweets is some kind of great spiritual feat? Not really. But, in this one thing, I see how God is continuing to shape me. As I am obedient, God's grace will transform my life, even in the small things, and hopefully that leads to the big things as well. As I clear out the voices clamoring for attention, I can begin to hear the small voice of God speaking into my life. I pray that this is only the beginning.

And you know what, I don't miss it all that much anyway.

My Kids are Amazing

So, I'm pretty sure that I have the cutest kids on the planet. I might be a little biased, but take a look.

Alistiar just after tasting sour cream for the first time!

This is Ella's first tooth that she lost. She's lost one more since






The end of the Easter pictures. They were both pretty tired of it.









Taking some Easter shots after we got home from church. She is quite the ham, as you can see.

Going Gray

Memories of my grandma are filled with a woman with beautiful silver white hair. I actually don't remember seeing many pictures of my grandma without this hair. My mom tells me that it's because gray hair runs in our family, both she and my grandma were completely gray by the age of 29. As I have gotten older, I have been excited to see that I made it to and past 29 without much gray hair.

However, this summer I gave birth to my second child, and haven't slept much since then (no, he's still not sleeping through the night). And in the last 8 months, the gray hairs on my head have increased exponentially. Ella has mentioned it, my mom has mentioned it, and my hair dresser on several occasions has said, "You know, it's probably time to start thinking about what you're going to do with your gray that's coming in." (and they are not the only ones) She's given me several suggestions on what I might do. Those who know me well know two things about me: 1. I am not so much into things that take a lot of maintenance, 2. I don't like to spend money. These two things have made me more than a little hesitant about dying my hair to cover the gray.

I've spent a lot of time over the last several months thinking about what I will do with my gray hair (Ella thinks that this year, my hair is going to turn all gray and I'll look "weird"). I must admit that I cringe when I think about the thought of being in my mid-thirties and almost entirely gray. But, I have finally come to the decision that I'm going to let my hair change naturally and not dye it (which my incredible husband is in total support of).

Why you might ask? For two reasons:

1. I have a 5 year old girl at my house. She is already very concerned with what she wears, how she accessorizes and can't wait until the day she can wear make up and high heels. I hope that my choice can teach her that who we are is about more than what we look like on the outside. That we do not need to make ourselves into something that we are not, it's okay to be the way that God made us, no matter what that looks like.

2. Much of my work is with young women at Trevecca. The world makes it their business to give them all kinds messages about what they should look like, what makes them significant, and what they should do with their bodies. I can be one voice in their lives that says that whatever they may look like, it's okay.

I am probably being idealistic, it's probably not that important. But, I feel led to take this step and be a different voice in the midst of all those calling from our culture. I wonder what my all-gray head will look like. Only time will tell.

Memories and Images

I was up late with the baby last night. I was trying to convince him that he really didn't want to eat 2-3 times a night. In the interim (read - while he was crying in his crib and I watched the timer slowly click down until I could go in and comfort him) I sat in the living room, which was pretty cold.

After all was said and done (Alistair won, I was too sick and tired to go more than about an hour) I headed back up to my room to get some sleep. I laid in my bed and I was absolutely freezing, no matter what position I was in, how closely I cuddled up to Brad, I couldn't warm up. I finally went to the closet and got out a few blankets to pile on to keep me warm. As I laid in bed trying to go to sleep, a few memories came to my mind:

The first was of laying in bed in my Grandpa Gerbsch's house. It was awfully cold there in the winter at night, but grandpa had lots of (scratchy) blankets that he would pile on. So, my nose and face were a little cold as I drifted off to sleep, but there was a heavy pile of blankets on top to keep me warm.

The second was yet another from my grandparents, this time Grandma and Grandpa Lipa. I was often sick as a child and had a really nasty sounding cough (my mom says that I bark like a seal). When I would spend the night with my grandparents, my grandpa would give me a shot of Nyquil (the green kind), slather Vicks on my chest, and send me to his very warm and cozy bed with blankets piled on top. I would settle down and quickly fall asleep, waking in the morning feeling much better.

These aren't big memories, but these grandparents have been gone for over a decade, my Grandpa Lipa almost 20 years. I will often get a fleeting thought of them, but I am thankful for moments (even freezing ones in the middle of the night) that bring back to me vivid pictures of the grandparents that I love so much, reminders of the people that they were, and the way that they loved and cared for me.

I miss you Grandma and Grandpa Lipa and Grandpa Gerbsch!

Life Really Does Go on!

It's hard to believe that it's been since January that I've posted. Certainly much has changed in life with the arrival of Alistair Joseph in June. Since I'm waiting for him to fall back asleep in hopes of weaning him off of one of his two nighttime feedings, what a better time to post!

Ella turns five on Monday. It's hard to believe that we have had her in our lives for that long. She is such a blessing. Daily, she is a reminder to us of the goodness of God, the beauty and laughter of children, and the ways in which our children can delight us with even the small things that they do. I appreciate her sense of humor, her amazing intelligence, and her kindness and generosity towards others.

Alistair is just over 5 months old, and is one of the happiest babies I have ever seen. When he makes eye contact with you, his face lights up in an amazing smile that will melt your heart. He is a stubborn boy (I say he gets it from his daddy), and likes to get his own way. And, he's certainly making life interesting. Over the past few weeks, he's started eating real food and loves avocados and sweet potatoes. He's turned over a few times, but working on doing it more. I can't to hear his first word and get a sense of his little voice. What joy he brings to our lives.

And, they love each other! The joy that I see in their eyes as Ella goes in to greet Alistair in the morning, or reaches down to show him a new toy, or holds him in her arms is awe inspiring. We couldn't be more blessed than to have these two wonderful children as a part of our lives. We look forward to watching them grow and become the people that God is calling them to be in our world.